I'm Back! Little Black Rain Cloud.

So I was thinking about all my life lessons/changes and decided that I wanted to share them again. Even if it is just a few of you. I believe my last post was in 2010. This post is called Little Black Rain Cloud because one morning I woke up feeling really really bummed about where I was in my life. I felt as if I had epicly failed at being an adult. Then I started singing the little little black rain cloud song and decided to look it up on Youtube. 

Once I had watched it I realized a few great life lessons. 

• Pooh disguises himself by covering himself in mud. 
• Pooh realizes that not all the bees fall for his disguise. 
• Christopher Robin questions him but doesn't stop him from attempting it. 
• Christopher stays with Pooh and even tries to help. 
• Pooh gets stung and is hurt by the bees. 
• Pooh gets stuck and spins out of control. 
• Christopher Robin offers to catch Pooh when he is falling. 
• Christopher Robin Comforts Pooh even though he knew that it wasn't a great idea in the first place.

Pooh disguises himself by covering himself in mud. How often do we disguise ourselves thinking that will get us what we want? Or to protect our self? Or to impress others? I know I have attempted to hide myself for all of these reasons. For years I was embarrassed by my different point of views, style and etc. My family would tell me that I was weird and that I always danced to a different beat of a drum. I would love to say that I have completely accepted and love myself just the way I am but I'm a work in progress.

Pooh realizes that not all the bees fall for his disguise. Most often then not the ones who are closest to us and are observant wont fall for our "mud". THANK the HEAVENS for this. I think we Convince ourselves that our mud will help disguise what we don't like or help us get what we want. When I say get what we want I am talking about the show put on to get a job, to impress our friends, to make boys/girls like us, and etc. The truth of the matter is that our true selves will always emerge eventually.

Christopher Robin questions him but doesn't stop him from attempting it. OK peeps this may seem like a stretch but I compare Christopher Robin to God. He questions Pooh who is a good friend about what he is doing but doesn't stop him. God gave us the greatest gift on this earth and that is Free Agency. How often have i been questioned but I chose to still take hold of the balloon only to get stung, hurt and spin out of control where God is patiently catch me, give me kind words and to teach me a valuable lesson.

Christopher stays with Pooh and even tries to help. Straight up God is ALWAYS there for us and will help us when we allow Him into our lives.

Pooh gets stung and is hurt by the bees. There is always consequences to every action. At first Pooh laughs and doesn't take it serious. Then he is stung on the bum and he realizes how bad it is. How often do we think its all fun and games then BAM we are stung and realize that actions have results that aren't desirable. I have unfortunately have seen this happen allot in the lives of people I love and even been there, done that myself.

Pooh gets stuck and spins out of control. This is the scariest part. How many times have you been stuck in a situation that is less then desirable and it begins to spin out of control? This is the point where hopelessness kicks in & Pooh cries out Christopher Robin for help. This is key we need to cry out to our Heavenly Father.

Christopher Robin offers to catch Pooh when he is falling. GOOD NEWS.. Christopher Robin is there to catch to Pooh. Same with our Heavenly Father. He is always there waiting to catch us when we fall. He is waiting for us to cry out to Him.

Christopher Robin Comforts Pooh even though he knew that it wasn't a great idea in the first place. God takes these moments to teach and comfort us. 

In closing I want to say that God taught me in that moment that I am so blessed to have God in those moments when I want to and do choose the hard path that He will always be there. I am so blessed to understand and find lessons from a silly cartoon about a bear. 

Life lesson learned. 

Hopefully i can remember this the next time I have got a little black rain cloud.

Jess

Homesick?

it all started with me going to Provo for a night and feeling "homesick" for Provo.. I was a bit confused and blew it off. Then I was back in Provo a 2nd night and my friend mentioned a job opening and I had the same "homesick" feeling. Couldn't deny it so I applied for the Job, had an interview and now will be moving to Provo next week. Oh I don't have a place to live so we will see how this goes :) Crazy fast.. Sorry I haven't posted for awhile I jus have been so busy and haven't really wanted to.. More to come on my adventures of moving to Provo..

Back Packing & my Saga with the Toilet seat..

Backpacking ha ha ha ha.. Laughing is what I do every time I would think about me hiking 6 miles up a mountain with an extra 20 pounds on my back.. Honestly though Hiking in and out was one of my favorite parts of my trip.. I am getting ahead of my self though.. So it all started about 4 months ago when my brother said he was planning a backpacking trip and he wanted me to go.. At first I was a bit hesitant and wasn't sure if I wanted to subject myself to that.. Then I started thinking about how much I enjoyed nature and my family's company.. So I agreed to go along with my 3 nephews, sister in-law, brother and step dad. I kept thinking to myself I have plenty of time to prepare.. Needless to say I never prepared.. Ha ha ha so like me.. So Aug 9th came around. I was super excited/nervous/scared/pumped up to leave.. We didn't get up to the trail head until around 2:30 pm and it took allot longer to pack the horses up than expected so My sister in-law and I took my nephews and started hiking.. It was a chilly day and when the sun went behind the clouds was even more chilly.. The hiking was going great and we were making good time. I was enjoying the wholeexperience until I hit the last mile.. Which we had no clue how much longer we had cuz Nathan and Nile were on the horse trail. Well at the last mile my hips and sockets where my hips connected to my legs started hurting so bad it was hard to lift my legs.. I continued moving and praying that I would be able to make it camp before sundown.. Nile and Nathan got to our camp about 45 minutes before us so Nile came back and put our packs on a horse so we could jus walk there.. I was grateful for those darn horses.. I finally made it to camp where we set up stuff , ate PB&J's and went to bed.. The next day I was so sore.. I took some all natural muscle relaxers and 2 Tylenol. We decided to stay in camp and fish, hang out, set up better and get water (no we didn't have city water we had to gather it from streams and filter it) I had so much fun watching my nephews enjoy nature.. We discovered a Moose that would come eat from the lake we were camped next to.. Deer, squirrels, bugs and a scouts were our neighbors. I didn't feel good and didn't want to eat at all.. I forced myself to eat something every meal.. We often times had left overs and shared them with the scouts.. 3rd day I felt better. I woke and headed up the mountain to use the restroom.. This is my beginning of my troubles with the toilet seat.. We had a toilet seat that clipped onto a metal frame.. so I am doing my business and the toilet seat collapses I am left on the ground sitting in my crap.. I get wipe myself off and went to finish when it collapses once again getting stuff not only on my only pair of pj's but on my spare clothes (I only had 2 pairs of pants). I only had one pair of pants left.. I hollered down I was coming down in my underwear cuz I wasn't about to put them back on.. My step dad was laughing so hard.. He thinks it is the funniest thing ever.. So it gets worse.. I end up washing my clothes in the lake and hang them out to dry, the horse runs away so I go after it.. I get it back and my family decides to go hiking and I take the opportunity to be alone.. So I have to go again and guess what the stupid toilet seat collapses again.. I had learned my lesson this time though. I had dug a very deep hole.. So instead I jus got muddy... Well the next morning we were leaving and I got up and guess what I needed to go again so I take the thing up the mountain, dug a deep hole and began. All was well until I was about to stand up and the seat made a cracking noise.. Lets jus say not only did it collapse but it cracked.. I broke that stupid toilet seat.. Lets jus say I was so so so excited to see the bathroom at the trail head.. I didn't care that it was jus a huge hole in the ground.. The hike back was amazing.. So pretty and enjoyable. By that time I had healed for the most part and the horses carried our packs for us. On a more serious note I have to say I am so grateful I have such an amazing family. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father that kept us safe and healthy. I am grateful for this amazing world we live in.. I had a constant prayer in my heart while I was on this trip. It made me realize how much I rely on my Heavenly Father and how much I take for granted.. I am so glad I decided to embark on this journey. I don't know if I will ever backpack that many miles again but it was so worth it this time.
THANK YOU FAMILY AND HEAVENLY FATHER

Have you ever seen this?

I have never seen a deer do this... When I caught it on camera both my friend and I couldn't stop laughing! What the H? ha ha ha

Boating, Manti Temple, Castle Dale Pageant and Night Games/Movie

I went Boating with My friend Janeen and her brother Brent on July 22. It was so good to spend time with one of my closest friends.. When we get together we can talk for hours upon hours.. I miss her face so much. Crossing my fingers I will see her more often :)



My friend Calista decided to go to the Manti Temple at the last minute.. Can I tell you how amazing the Temple is? It makes me so happy to feel of my Heavenly fathers love for me.. The Manti Temple is the first Temple I have been to besides the Vernal I have been to.. Amazing.



From the Manti Temple we went to the Castle Dale Pageant and met up with my family :) I loved watching my nephews and niece fascination with all the things going on around them.. To be a child again where everything is an adventure and new to you...




I had decided along wit some friends we needed to play night games.. It was so much fun to meet new people and go back to the old days of playing on the playground (Lava Monster) missionary tag, Ghost in the darkness and Sardines.. After the games we decided to go Travis's house to watch a movie.. We so didn't watch the movie... ha ha ha between the talking, laughing teasing moving seats the movie was soon forgotten (even though it played the whole time during this madness)

I am so grateful for all the amazing experiences I have had this summer.. Almost everything I said I wanted to do this summer has been accomplished :) Next on my list is Backpacking and camping.. So excited.

Our True Identity

This was the answer to My last Blog.. The answer to my prayers..

Reevaluating...

Reevaluating my life and who I am. My dad almost died this weekend and It threw me for a loop. I didn't realize how much it would effect me.. You have to understand my dad and I don't have the best relationship and he hasn't been a huge part of my life or so I thought. At first I was in shock and felt ok with it all then I went to see him and it hit me on the way home that I haven't fully forgiven him, that I care more than I want to, that I am not the person I thought I was and worst of all that I am really really angry with him for all the crap I have inherited from him.. So who am I? I have no clue... I have for the last few days been asking myself this question and the only thing I can come up with is that I am a child of God. Is that the only thing that matters? I have also been really thinking about if I died tomorrow what would I want others to see me as? What things would I want my family and loved ones to know? Would they know that the Gospel means the world to me? Would they know that I loved them? Would they know how often I prayed that they would feel God's presence in there lives? Would they know I whole heartedly believe the church is true and want to spend eternity with them? Would they know that they are the first and last people I think of every day? As I have had all these thoughts and emotions I realized I don't wanna take a chance. I want them to know all these things.I want to have the least amount of regrets with my family and loved ones. I want to find person Heavenly Father intended me to be.. I am not sure how to go about this all but I will begin with trying harder to be a better friend, sister, daughter and person in general. I will tell them how I feel about the gospel and how I feel about them. I will find a way to forgive my dad and let go of the past. It will be hard and I know I will mess up but I don't want to go to heaven with all this baggage I have. Sorry this blog is a little intense but it is heart felt.

4th of July - July 17th

So many other great things happened between now and then I went river rafting, Spent allot of time with sisters neice Ulla from India and hung out with some great friends.. Sorry I haven't been very good at keeping this updated..

I Attempted..

I have attempted to blog a few times today but I can't seem to get my thoughts together :( I will Blog soon about the last couple of weeks.. Sorry to those 3 people who read my blog :)

Temple and Birthday Bonfire..

So the last two weeks have been full of exciting things.. Birthday, Temple, Party and ect.. Birthday- I went to work where my sister and nephews brought me balloons and chocolate.. I love them.. Then I went to dinner with my cousin & friend.. Thanks Mel and Jennie. Temple - my friends came from Provo and SLC. Plus my brother and his family came out.. All I can say that the Temple was like getting a familiar Hug from my Heavenly Father.. Week- really busy full of things.. Party- Uhm it didn't go very well.. But I have some amazing friends & family who support me. Even though all of these things were stressful I felt the Love my friends and family have for me.. I am so blessed to have so many great people and things in my life..

Good Idea that didn't work as well as I hoped..

So i had this good idea that I would write something I remember or have been told about every year I have been alive.Than i realized I have a ton I don't remember.. If you have memory of me Let me know :)

0. (1982) My baby blessing was on the 4th of July !
1-5. (1983-1987) Don't have anything except I moved allot :0
6. (1988) Moved to the Uintah Basin.
7.(1989) Learned to ride a bike.
8. (1990) Baptized and threw a fit cuz I got an orange book mark while all the other girls got pink and purple ones.. Ha ha ha
9. (1991) ?
10. (1992) Realized I was different than girls in my class!
11. (1993) My mom married Nile..
12. (1994) Got my first boyfriend and dumped him 6 times ha ha ha
13. (1995) Young Women Beehive pres
14. (1996) 1st time I ever went to Lagoon.
15. (1997) Freshman in high School need I say more?
16. (1998) Year of firsts. Date and driving and had my first boy as a BFF
17. (1999) Ditched school so much failed ASL
18. (2000) Senior year... Got my 1st kiss amazing..
19. (2001) Graduated High school :) almost didn't, ask me about it sometime.
20. (2002) SLC, Provo adventure. College and went home every weekend.
21. (2003) College.. dumb time in my life
22. (2004) Virginia Baby.. Such a good place for me to put my life back together..
23. (2005) Went to my first concert.
24. (2006) Moved to Provo... Good times
25. (2007) Had a paint the town red party :)
26. (2008) Moved Home :( hard but needed to be done.
27. (2009) Lots of change and self improvement.. Made a ton of friends..
28. (2010) Going through the Temple ...

I love to see the Temple...

For all those who don't know I am going to the Temple Saturday June 12, 2010.. I am so so so excited.. I have been working hard to get to this point in my life.. Heavenly Father has given me so many blessings and truly Loves me.. I am so grateful for all my friends who have supported me in the decision and have been a good example to me.. Its been a rough Journey but is so worth it.. Signing off with a happy heart.

Dinosaurs, Temple, Caving and Adventures..

This past weekend was a great weekend for me.. It started on Thursday when Lindsay came out to see me. She has been a great friend to me.. I mean she comes every few months to Roosevelt.. Not many people do that. Friday we went shopping, took pictures with all the dinosaurs in Vernal, went to the Temple and then decided to go caving. Linda had some friends coming from Logan so we got together and went to this really fun cave above Vernal. In the cave I became instant friends with Marshall and Kiffin.. They cracked me up.. We then made a bonfire, got sticky from the Smores. Went to Linda's where we played rock band for a bit then watched Hello Dolly. Next day Lindsay had to leave :( So I sent her on her way and Linda, Kiffin Marshall and I headed to the mountains to go hiking.. Marshall and I played corners all the way up and basically acted like we were 10 again. We got to the place and realized the river had swollen so big that we would have to find different ways to cross it.. So instead of hiking we ended up trying to find the most creative ways to get across the river, streams and swampy areas.. So much better than hiking.. Lots of laughing and joking around.. We made Hamburgers (Boco for me) and ate lunch. Went for a drive up another part of the canyon all the while Marshall and I were acting 10 again. Saw a skull went to check it out and played red neck games of who can knock the skull off the rock.. Went had dinner at Linda's watched a John Wayne movie and then sent the boys home. Then Sunday I got some amazing news that is the beginning of a good thing. Sigh I needed this weekend and I am so grateful for the mountains, new friends and the good things in my life. Signing off with a happy sigh.

Life update..

Haven't been that great at posting on whats been going on in my life.. I post pictures or worries but hardly ever whats going on.. Here it is.. My life has became busier then usual. My week used to be like this. Mon-Wed Wake up at 10 or 11 get ready for work, work, then Fhe or go home where Iwould read a whole book or babysat. Thurs I would do laundry and go to institute.. come home and read or watch a movie. Friday's I would work or babysit or jus chill all day long doing not much of anything. Sat was the same. Sunday consisted of church, dinner at my sisters and more of nothing.. Lately its been full of all those things but add friends, temple, bonfires, caves, crafts, being outside, rock band, games and preparing.. Its great to get out and be outside.. I am grateful for those have invited me to those things it has helped me feel better about my life.. It has helped me see the good in my life.. I am also so grateful to all my friends who don't live here that give me encouragement through txts, twitter, facebook and calling me.. I don't think you will ever realize how much it means to me for you to even talk to me.. Thanks to all those who smile at me or send me pictures. Ha ha this wa supposed to be a life update and has turned into a Thank you.. I love ya all..

Scary future..

I was watching biggest loser today and I had a moment when I realized that if I don't make some changes I am going to end up like allot of these contestants.. That scared me to the point I started crying.. I know how to change but have this nagging voice in my mind saying "you aren't worth it", "its to hard" , "Why bother you get joy from food", "what does it matter if you are fat you have always been fat", "You are so comfortable with being over weight what will you do without that protection?" My heart is screaming Jessica you need to take care of yourself.. Its the eternal battle of my heart and mind.. My body cries often out to me also that this weight is so hard on it.. Do I wanna die young from a heart attack or stroke? Do I wanna end up in the hospital? This is the reality of my future if I can't find away to to calm those voices and find the strength to lose a healthy amount of weight..

Very very scary future for me if I don't take care of this...

My New Life

More Pictures.. Reed

So close yet so far away..

So close yet so far away has been the theme of my life lately.. Chrissy was out a few weekends ago and I didn't think I would be able to go see due to some circumstances.. Well I was able to see her one day out of the 7 she was here.. Then I am supposed to be released of my calling in the next month or so.. Which seems to be taking forever and yet I know its coming soon. Plus I have made a huge decision and I have to wait until June in order for me to do that. Being patient and listening to the prompting has been pretty difficult for me.. I am so close to being 30 and yet the same time its 2 years away. I really need to get my life in order so I am not a 30yr old that is living with my parents, have no career and unsteady of what I wanna do with my life.. Big decisions and big changes are coming my way. So close yet so far away..

Random things about me..

Random things about me.. Once my friend and I wrote random facts about ourselves. I am super bored at work so here we go..

1- I like the smell of dirt.
2- I have a bump on my wrist that freaks people out.. (even boys are weirded out by it).
3- I am a fan of cheesy books, movies and real life cheesy stuff..
4- I sleep with my head covered cuz I am scared of spiders crawling in my mouth.
5- I wear a 7 1/2 in shoes and ring size.
6- I have never been outside of the USA.
7- I love road trips.
8- No matter how hard I try I can't keep my room clean.
9- The only surgery I have ever had was on my mouth.
10- I wanna live in Chattanooga Tennessee some day.
11- I don't know what I wanna be when I grow up.
12- I love water.. To drink, play in, to watch and relieve stress
13- When I was little I wanted 8 kids.. ha ha ha have changed my mind
14- My sisters are my BFF's forever ( don't worry Chrissy we are still BFF's 2)
15- I am tender hearted to the core..
16- I hate scary movies ( I have a good enough imagination without watching that crap).
17- My parents thought I was going to be a boy. My name was going to be Jesse Darren.
18- I love pictures..
19- I love all colors and tend to go through stages of what is favorite.. Purple 4 right now.
20- I do and say weird things when I feel awkward. ( once told a guy I had a 3 legged goat on a blind date cuz i felt so awkward)

Well so here you go. Thank Heavens that Heavenly Father made us all so different.

The Wig, Park, Swimming & Birthday Party

I bought this wig for Halloween well my niece kept coming into my room and wanted to dress up in all my jewelry, hats and scarf. I had forgot I had it until Lily found it and we had a ball all trying it on laughing at how funny we all were.. I think Nathan wins with the funniest, Lily with looking most like a troll and me looking silly.. Do you think I should go blond next? The kids were sick of being trapped in the house and were beginning to get on every ones nerves.. So I volunteered to take them all to the park. I swear to you I don't know how kids survive.. They jumped off the top of the jungle gym, tripped over each other, skinned their knees and basically wore me out with all the games, running, jumping and shouting.. I took the hoodlums home had lunch then headed to the swimming pool in Vernal.. They swam, tried to drown themselves and had fun.. We drove home, had the birthday dinner, cake and opened presents. You would think from all this they would all be worn out.. Yeah no they played for a few more hours and finally crashed. It was an exhausting weekend and I am ready for a vacation. I am so so grateful for my family. They are an amazing bunch.